WTF is It?

Mysterious things show up in our flower beds all the time. Either by errant birds, idiot neighbor kid's rock, or fucking osmosis. But when we spotted this gem, we scratched our heads and balls and asked "What the fuck is it?" Any ideas? Comments welcomed. No that's not duct tape at the base; that's how it grew! Reminds me of something ornamental, like winter gourds. But it's June, for 'eff sake.

Here it is in it's natural erection...um, I mean stalk.