Pizza

When I die, I wanna come back in my next life as a pizza.

I'll be simple yet complex.

No one will ever agree if I'm good (but they WILL talk about me).

And while I'll be adored for a short time, I will always be replaced.

Another cog in the cosmic wheel.

Pumpernickel

According to this packaging, in Germany pumpernickel is like Viagra.


Replies via text:

. Anything that has to do with your stool is Viagra in Germany

. WTF?

. I love it! The darker and stronger the better!

. Okay? So how does pumpernickel fit in with your "secret" veiled ice cream run? I don't get it?

. Does it get your dick hard?

President Obama (shamrocks) Guinness

On his recent visit to Dublin, dear Barack had a taste of the Guinness. Seems Michelle threw back a jar too!

My Advice to Laura

Go to bed early
Write a filthy poem
Throw away old lipsticks
Organize your blouses by color
Drunk dial an old love

Take a laxative
Eat mystery meat
Throw something in the recycle bin that should be trash

Watch CSI with the sound turned off to see what it's like being deaf
Or watch a CSI blind folded to see what it's like being blind

Predict when the Rapture will occur
Then make a back-up plan

In Depends love...bye

Faith Prince

Had a great time. Faith didn't disappoint!

Here's the view from our seats - yeah, a little close huh?

She'll always be my Adelaide. Here she is with Nathan Lane:

Dinner at Cosmo Cafe

I've been wanting to try this restaurant for quite some time. Their $25 price fix menu was just the ticket.

I asked the bartender to make me something special with no alcohol. He presented me with this gem: fresh passion fruit, simple syrup and a little something fizzy. Refreshing!
I didn't know what to expect from this cup of soup, but what I got was FLAVOR! The menu described it as "Miso and Shiitake Mushroom Soup", but it should have been FLAVOR EXPLOSION!
My main course was the pan seared salmon. I will never be able to duplicate this fantastic cooking technique - perfect. The fish sat on artichokes, fingerling potatoes, with a olive-tomato relish. Yes, you can see that the sun came out when this dish was served (no kidding) and a sunbeam lit up it's loveliness.
The meal ended with Almond Cake (yes, there's cake under those strawberries and lemon cream). I wanted MORE!!!

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

I recently finished the 2nd Chelsea Handler book, the one that’s been optioned to be made into a sitcom for TV. It’s a light, breezy read (the kind I like) where each chapter acts as a stand alone story about specific times throughout her life.

It reminded me of being at a party with old friends and someone one would say, “Chelsea, remember when you were baby-sitting for that mean kid?” And Chelsea would spend the next 30 minutes making you laugh your ass off telling that story - sometimes sticking to the truth, but hopefully (because that’s what she’s best at) elaborating and embellishing the shit out of the story!
A couple of particularly funny passages – oddly enough having to do with pubic hair (in a leg lock)!

While spending one night in a women’s prison for a DUI, Chelsea gets a body cavity search:

“Even though I’m not an extremely unkept girl, I make it a personal rule to never allow others the displeasure of seeing my beaver in an unruly state. Turns out that I had nothing to worry about. Once we were all undressed, I realized the true meaning of ‘unruly.’ There were women in there who clearly had never heard of a razor, never mind a bikini wax. Hedge trimmers would have been a more appropriate tool for situations going on in between some of these women’s legs. One woman looked like she had Buckwheat stuck in a leg lock.”

On dating a red-head and seeing him naked for the first time:

“The part that wasn’t a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attached with a glue gun. I didn’t understand what porn he was watching to not be aware of the trimming that was happening all across the world among his compatriots. I’m not a finicky person when it comes to pubic hair maintenance and I certainly don’t expect men to shave it all off, leaving themselves looking like a hairless cat. That’s even creepier than seeing what Austin had, which could really only be compared to one thing: a clown in a leg lock!”