10 Ways to Blow Your Tax Rebate

Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle has a great column today about our tax rebate checks that are on their way. I've done a bit of editing, but you can read the whole article here.

But this part made me laugh outloud. Oh and his list? The beauty is in his details, but here's the list too [a list Letterman would be jealous of]. I'm saving my rebate for #10.

May 2, 2008


Here's the bad news: Your little recession-deflecting tax rebate? No rebate at all. Not even close.
It's more like this: You've been continuously mugged and beaten and robbed blind for the past seven years straight, and as you lay there on the cold, hard economic ground, bleeding and gasping and wondering what the hell happened to your vacation time and your health care plan and your mortgage payment, your attackers scoff and leer and toss a couple of bloodstained nickels on your pulverized face and mutter, here sucker, have some bus fare, and then they cackle and stomp away with all your loot and dignity and hope, back to the White House from whence they came.

What, too harsh? Not really. It's a lovely feeling, made even more sweetly ironic by the fact that Congress will likely soon shove through another $108 billion in war funds like a giant kidney stone through our collective fiscal urethra. Right there, that's about 500 bucks for each and every adult human in America, baristas and Baptists and NASCAR fans alike.

1)Pay off the porn bill? Hit the Vegas strip? Stock up on water and freeze-dried meats and a nice Bowie knife in preparation for the apocalypse? Not bad, not bad. Of course, you could also spend it on:
2) One share of Google
3) Four tanks of gas for the Escalade
4) A copy of Grand Theft Auto IV, three bottles of Stoli Vanilla, large hammer
5) IPod Touch, new Portishead album, bottle of absinthe
6) Three excellent meals at upscale sushi restaurant, attempting with each and every bite not to be painfully reminded of the depleted fish stocks and mercury poisoning and how just about every single game fish on the menu is overfished or horribly endangered or dying out or full of tiny little plastic pellets from the Pacific garbage patch.
7) Spiffy new Flip Video camera, copy of iMovie, small vial of unchecked insanity
8) Ticket to latest Judd Apatow flick, one dozen homemade pot brownies, never-used (but still active) gym membership from 1998
9) Ten-day silent meditation course/retreat
10) Party supplies for the massive bonfire/cleansing ritual we shall have at the beach on 01-20-09

Then She Found Me

Call me crazy, but I've been a fan of Helen Hunt since her days on "Mad About You". I used to watch the show religiously [I just called it "The Buckman's" though]. I loved her in ""As Good as It Gets" and even liked her men's t-shirt wearing performance in "Twister" [both films I own on DVD].

So when I read she directed her first feature and starred in it, I was thrilled. And glad to read the San Francisco Chronicle gave her glowing notices. Not sure I'll see it in the theater [I'm lazy], but it's certainly in my Netflix queue.

Boyle Heights mural

Seems there's some sort of controversial mural in Boyle Heights. Thought I'd give a shout-out to my peeps there:


CAPTION: The group Los Invencibles Cadetes de Nuevo Leon relaxes on Cesar Chavez Boulevard. The Boyle Heights Neighborhood Council met recently to discuss a proposed mural that was set to go up next month at the new Hollenbeck police station in Boyle Heights. Some locals are angry over depictions in the mural.

CAPTION: The Los Angeles Police Department isn't thrilled with the mural either. Deep in this scene, a police officer stands behind a man next to a catering truck. The man's hands are raised above his head. "I think it really kind of paints a dark picture of Hollenbeck, and Boyle Heights in particular," said LAPD Capt. Blake Chow, commanding officer of the Hollenbeck station.

CAPTION: Artist Sandow Birk's 100-foot mural has touched a raw nerve under the surface of a seemingly homogenous community, widely considered L.A.'s mothership of Mexican culture.

CAPTION: Part of the $195,000 mural for the new LAPD Hollenbeck station. The tile mural, by artist Sandow Birk was meant to depict a quaint Sunday in Boyle Heights. But residents complain about the unleashed dogs, the "illegal" street vendors and about a man holding a can they guessed was beer. They also complain about what isn't shown: historical figures, children reading books and military veterans.

Sean Connery

3rd place? I'd think not Mr. Bond.

Samantha Mumba spotted

Seems Irish pop singer Samantha Mumba lives in LA now. She was spotted over the weekend out shopping w/ her mum at some discount store. I'm pretty sure it's a 99 cent store. What's up with those pants? Don't they sell thread there?

Bend over a litttttle farther...!

Hurghada, Egypt

My cousin from Germany goes here every June with her family. Now, I see why! [BTW that's not them in the picture]

CAPTION: Late Afternoon at The Red Sea in Hurghada, Egypt, Oct. 21, 2007

Nakations

Well of course the nudity caught my attention. But with further reading in the "New York Times", I had no idea that such high end vacations are so popular. You can really get pampered at places like this. And websites like SpaFinder.com are having booming business [beating out pet friendly spas]!

I did have to giggle at "beach butlers walk around in discreet uniforms of buttoned-down shirts and khaki pants". Where's the fun in that? Go all nude, I say!

Go here to see more pictures!

Jimi Hendrix sex tape

Not sure I really care, but it seems that Vivid Video is about to put on the market a supposed Jimi Hendrix 11-minute porn tape. I say "supposed" because it's a film that "shows a naked man who resembles Jimi, wearing a bandanna in his Afro, having sex with two brunettes in a dimly lighted bedroom. His full face appears on screen for only a few seconds, with his eyes closed. In other portions there are flashes of his profile. But his hands, bedecked with rings, roam large on the screen at times. The film has no audio."

Sounds like a total fake and a total bore. But it's interesting to see how low we can sink as a society to put crap like this out. Paris Hilton got famous for doing just this, but Jimi? The man is dead, let him be!

To read the full "New York Times" article, go here.

Euro vs. Dollar

As the Dollar really tanks next to the Euro, I was getting a bit nervous about our upcoming European holiday.

1.00 EUR =1.56370 USD
1 USD = 0.639510 EUR

But my sage and inspirational guide Rick Steves, said the following about saving money in Europe. It puts everything back into focus for me. And I can’t wait to get over there. It’s gonna be a blast!

Rick Steves – “As you seek out money-saving opportunities, remember that your vacation time is a precious resource (yes, time is money). Plan as much as you can before you leave home. And don’t go to a country just because it has a reputation for being less expensive. The best value is found by traveling smartly in the country where your travel dreams are taking you. Don’t whine about the weak dollar – enjoy spending it smartly. Those who travel wisely will save more money, make more friends, and create a more memorable – a truly richer – experience.”