Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

I recently finished the 2nd Chelsea Handler book, the one that’s been optioned to be made into a sitcom for TV. It’s a light, breezy read (the kind I like) where each chapter acts as a stand alone story about specific times throughout her life.

It reminded me of being at a party with old friends and someone one would say, “Chelsea, remember when you were baby-sitting for that mean kid?” And Chelsea would spend the next 30 minutes making you laugh your ass off telling that story - sometimes sticking to the truth, but hopefully (because that’s what she’s best at) elaborating and embellishing the shit out of the story!
A couple of particularly funny passages – oddly enough having to do with pubic hair (in a leg lock)!

While spending one night in a women’s prison for a DUI, Chelsea gets a body cavity search:

“Even though I’m not an extremely unkept girl, I make it a personal rule to never allow others the displeasure of seeing my beaver in an unruly state. Turns out that I had nothing to worry about. Once we were all undressed, I realized the true meaning of ‘unruly.’ There were women in there who clearly had never heard of a razor, never mind a bikini wax. Hedge trimmers would have been a more appropriate tool for situations going on in between some of these women’s legs. One woman looked like she had Buckwheat stuck in a leg lock.”

On dating a red-head and seeing him naked for the first time:

“The part that wasn’t a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attached with a glue gun. I didn’t understand what porn he was watching to not be aware of the trimming that was happening all across the world among his compatriots. I’m not a finicky person when it comes to pubic hair maintenance and I certainly don’t expect men to shave it all off, leaving themselves looking like a hairless cat. That’s even creepier than seeing what Austin had, which could really only be compared to one thing: a clown in a leg lock!”